Alright, I know I said I was just skipping town. I am. But one thing before I go. I have a few words aboutDallas.. Born and raised (for the most part) here, I feel the need to clear up a few things.
1. There are no ranches in Dallas. If you live on a ranch, you live in the country. And by the way, Dallas is not the country. We don’t use horses for transportation.
2. Oil does not live in downtown Dallas. Only oil money does. And, on that note, if you have crude oil, you DO NOT let it spurt uncontrollably out of the ground … hellooooo. You put that shit in the bank (we do have those in Dallas).
3. The Cattle Baron’s Ball IS real. It just doesn’t happen in the basketball arena where it’s filmed in the show. That one usually does happen on a real ranch. For that event, yes, people do wear really fancy clothes and gaudy jewelry with cowboy hats and boots (if you don’t know what a Texas Tux is, you’re missing out). And usually there is a pretty rad country singer running around.
4. People around here are as hot as these new characters on the show. Though, unfortunately, it seems like these days in Uptown Dallas there is a growing number of people that look like they stepped out of the show Jersey Shore as opposed to the show Dallas. I don’t quite know when that happened.
5. We’re not all that mean and conniving … Not ALL of us …
I really probably wouldn’t be watching this under normal circumstances, but it’s summer, and it seems all ma stories are over till the fall. So there you go. Soapy or not, I’m in (for the moment, fear not, I’ll keep you updated). I guess maybe I should invest my time in the original Dallas since I know not what goes on. Except that apparently one time, someone shot someone named J.R.? Who we don’t like. Who is now old. With a hot son.
Alright, so there are some pretty boys … I’m a pig(let), I’ll stick around for that.
P.s. I tried to google a picture of someone wearing a Texas Tux for you, but they all looked a little bit too Billy Ray Cyrus for my taste (read: mullet). BUT, to edify everyone, it’s a tuxedo but with jeans instead of tux pants, and boots and a cowboy hat. It can work…