Get Sloshed (in an age-appropriate fashion…)

Sloshed: The Real Guide to Appropriate Drinking Ages — Grub Street New York.

My eyes have been opened today.  It’s a cruel world out there (I used to drown out that cruel world by taking shots, but now it seems I am too old (please don’t call Betty Ford on me, I’m avoiding her)).  But, alas, everyone needs an etiquette lesson, eh?  According to this article, it is time for me to say goodbye to the shots, yet I’m not grown up enough for the fancy wine.  It seems the 26-49 year old range gets screwed.  And my poor friend (who shall remain nameless, but also does not read this blog so in the end it doesn’t matter, lets call him… Stan) that enjoys ordering shots called Buttery Nipples (but only if the waitress is cute and he thinks he can get her to drink one…) – what is he going to do with his life now??  (It’s also amazing they they got their own category on this chart.)

Also, the dairy thing is fairly upsetting.  I mean, what 26-49 year old DOESN’T want a White Russian when they’re bowling (shuttup, I did it a few weeks ago, it was AWESOME).  Big Lebowski doesn’t really reach the older generations the way it does ours.  Also, my parents fell in love over super boozey ice cream drinks called Velvet Hammers.  My dad was trying to impress my mom (as he was taking her out at the age of 22, with only cash in his pocket), they had (maybe several) of these apparently amazing drinks, didn’t realize how much they cost, so my dad secretly begged the waitress to act like he had enough money to pay the bill and let them leave without washing dishes all night, and he had to come back the next day with cash for her.  Cool chick.

My takeaways from this…

1)  I can’t WAIT till I’m 80.  I’m just gonna be drunk and old (and you can totally get away with doing whatever the hell you want, let’s be real);

2)  I need to find out where to acquire a drink in a volcano;

3) I need to learn what a “water back” is.  Cause it sounds fairly refreshing; and

4) Can’t wait for Christmas where boozey dairy is allowed.  Stock up on the Pepto!

Read the whole article for more cold, hard (ahh, reminds me of shots and ice luges again…sigh) truths.

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